Sunday, July 16, 2017

Afterwards

I have been thinking a lot about what could possibly happen to me. What do I really want? This is a question that I wish I had a simple answer for.
The short answer is that I don't feel that lost. Maybe I have been preparing myself and my environment for radical changes. I'm changing with layers peeling from my eyes.

The first shift in perspective I've had is the relationship with my boyfriend. I was going to write a lot more about it. I did, and I deleted it all. I am left with this. I am thankful for the things he does for me. I just wonder why things weren’t so “easy” in the beginning. 

I am a relationship-oriented person and allow a lot of strange things to happen under my nose. Perhaps because until now I didn't believe that I could possibly deserve better. When my car was going 75 MPH towards a deer which coated the interstate in blood, I suppose I had an enlightening moment. Life really is as short as they say and why should I stick around in situations which limit me and my growth? Miraculously, I wasn't seriously injured. My airbags didn't go off and the car rolled over the massive deer. I was just shaken and the seat belt pushed very hard on my hips. That would be the second car accident I've walked away from which totaled the car on my side and left me with no injuries.

What do I really want? I know what I want but I can't see the road there. It is dark and foggy and I feel fear growing in my chest. I know that if I take no action I'm sending a signal that I'm rolling over and letting uncertainty get the best of me. 

Afterwards

I have been thinking a lot about what could possibly happen to me. What do I really want? This is a question that I wish I had a simple ans...